


The Quark in Every Atom

by destielismylovesong



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sharing a Bed, coda fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-27
Updated: 2013-09-27
Packaged: 2017-12-27 19:24:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/982671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destielismylovesong/pseuds/destielismylovesong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Dean." Cas’s voice is quiet, pleading. “I didn’t want to leave you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> On [ Tumblr ](http://ninetypercentgrace.tumblr.com/post/56145290989/i-didnt-want-to-leave-you-the-words-break-the)

"I didn’t want to leave you."

The words break the silence. The silence that had hung over the bunker for the past three days, a blanket of confusion, anger, fearful anxiety.

Dean is standing at the kitchen counter when Cas speaks, his hands busy peeling apples. But he puts the peeler down and turns to Cas where he’s standing in the doorway. They hadn’t spoken at all since Cas had arrived at the doorstep of the bunker, dirty, tired, needing- human. Without saying a word, Dean had slung his arm over his shoulder and carried him in, glaring at Sam when he weakly offered to help.

He’d carried Cas in to his own room, had helped him shed the trench coat, the tie, and the suit jacket. Before he could say anything, Cas had collapsed into the bed and fallen asleep, his hand holding Dean’s tightly.

The silence had fallen the next morning. Neither knew what to say, how to act, if they could even breathe loudly in each other’s presence. Sam had been ordered to bed rest (by Dean), and the quiet had been deafening.

Until now.

Dean looks at Cas, in a pair of jeans he’d taken from Dean’s drawer, hanging low on his hips, and a black Harry Potter t-shirt with a lightning mark.

"If you’re going to steal our clothes you could at least match them up," Dean mutters, turning back to the apples. “I have plenty Lord of the Rings shirts for you to wear."

"Dean." Cas’s voice is quiet, pleading. “I didn’t want to leave you."

Dean throws the peeler into the sink with a loud bang, and Cas jumps.

"But you did, Cas," he says, turning to him again, striding up to him and getting in his face. His green eyes burn almost black, and the fury in his face is unmatched by anything Cas had ever seen. “You did, every single time. I wanted you to stay, and you left me."

Dean’s voice breaks on the last word, and he tries to walk past Cas, to leave the room. He doesn’t want to be open, or vulnerable. He doesn’t want to talk or figure things out. He’d prefer to claw his heart out instead.

Cas has other ideas. He grabs him by his arm, spins him around, and shoves him up against the wall. To his surprise, Dean laughs.

"Cas, you’re human," he says, rolling his eyes. “I could break you in half a second."

"If that’s what you want," Cas replies agreeably, calmly. Dean’s mouth drops open, and he moves, flipping them, shoving Cas up against the wall, pinning Cas’s legs with his own and wrapping his hands around his wrists, trapping him.

"Dean," Cas says before the other man can say anything, “I didn’t want to leave you."

"You keep saying that, but it  _doesn’t change the fact that you did_ ,” Dean growls angrily.

Cas tips his head back, his throat working as he closes his eyes. Dean’s eyes stray to the soft skin, the emotion behind the movement, but he refuses to acknowledge the way his body reacts, even as Cas’s reacts the same way.

"I didn’t want to leave you," Cas says quietly, shifting, meeting Dean’s eyes again. “I wanted to stay. I wanted to fight with you, for you. I wanted to be with you. But I didn’t understand-"

"That’s right, you didn’t," Dean responds just as quietly. “You chose the king of hell over me. You chose to be god over me. You left me there alone with Benny. You didn’t come when I prayed. You didn’t trust me with the tablet-"

"Dean," Cas interrupts. He tries to move his hands, to reach up, but Dean doesn’t budge. “I didn’t understand."

Dean stares into his eyes, confused, finally realizing that the fallen angel is trying to explain.

"I…" Cas trails off and then tries again. “I could see every quark in every atom. I could predict the weather for the next hundred million years from a single breeze. I could talk to the bees, and I could see the lines of connection between every living being this universe contains." He pauses, then continues softly, “I could put a righteous man back together, and I could see his soul shining brightly."

Dean doesn’t move, mesmerized by the movement of Cas’s lips, the sound of his voice.

"But I couldn’t be human," Cas says, his voice cracking. “I couldn’t see that I should’ve stayed with you. I wanted to, so badly, Dean. I wanted to stay with you, but my wings wouldn’t let me  _see_.”

Dean doesn’t look at him, looks down at their hands dumbly instead. He loosens his grip but doesn’t let go.

"Dean, look at me," Cas begs. Dean turns his gaze upward blindly, and Cas sighs in relief. “I’m human now," he reminds Dean quietly. “And I’m never leaving you again."

Dean lets go of Cas’s hands, removing his leg from its position against Cas’s, and pulls back. Cas opens his mouth to protest, to say  _something_ , because clearly Dean doesn’t understand, but Dean holds his hand out.

"Let’s start with today," he says simply, the forest in his eyes at peace, still, for the first time in years as he looks at Cas. “Let’s start with one day, and we’ll go from there."

Cas cocks his head, as if trying to understand that he is, in fact, being given a second chance. Dean smiles, taking his hand in his and moving to the counter.

"Wait," Cas says, tugging on Dean’s wrist and pulling him in. Startled, Dean stumbles and then rights himself as Cas wraps his arms around him. He hesitates, then melts into Cas’s hold, reciprocating by wrapping his arms around Cas’s neck. Cas’s breath is warm against his ear, and he relaxes into the hug, the familiarity of the strong arms around him.

Cas kisses his temple, and Dean shifts, moving in closer, tightening his hold. He tips his head back, eyes closed, and Cas kisses his temple again, moving down to his ear, then his jawline, his chin, before reaching his lips.

"Dean," he moans softly at his lips. “I don’t-"

"Shhh," Dean murmurs, opening his eyes and straightening slowly, pulling his mouth away from Cas’s. “It’s okay." He cups Cas’s face in his hand and kisses his forehead.

"We’re starting with one day, right?" he asks gently. Cas nods and Dean smiles, pulling out of his hold even as his mind, heart, and body protest.

He takes Cas’s hand and pulls him to the counter. “Well then, let’s start with some pie.”

Cas looks from the apples to Dean’s smile, and his lips curve upward in response. “Pie,” he agrees, and grabs an apron.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I need a room to sleep in," Cas admitted at Dean’s off-focus look. Dean had stared at Cas’s bare chest, trying to ignore the possessiveness that flared up at seeing Cas in his sleepwear. "You can sleep in mine," Dean said, forcing himself to look back down at the books.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On [ Tumblr ](http://ninetypercentgrace.tumblr.com/post/56197866494/for-anja-part-1-dean-doesnt-know-how-it)

Dean doesn’t know how it happened. He could’ve sworn they’d sat down together to watch a movie in the den. He could’ve sworn that they’d been actually sitting, with actual space between them. Sure, their hands definitely drifted into the neutral ground, touching briefly here and there, gentle squeezes and soft, steady patterns of fingers on skin. But he  _could’ve sworn_  that this had actually started out as a regular night.

They’re half an hour into the movie- a movie that’s been indefinitely paused for who knows how long- and Dean is on his back on the couch. Cas lies on top of him, his head resting on Dean’s heart as his thumb rubs a soothing pattern into his collar bone. Dean’s arm is draped across Cas’s back, and the other is at his neck, playing with the soft tendrils of his hair.

It’s been three weeks since the emotional morning of yelling and pie. And just like Dean had asked, they’d taken it one day at a time. As difficult as it had been, it had also been worth it.

They’d talked, a lot. Sometimes Sam joined them, looking better every day as he healed from the trials. Dean wanted him to rest, but Cas insisted. After all, he pointed out, he’d betrayed Sam too.

At night though, it was just Dean and Cas. The night after they’d fought and made up, Cas had stood forlornly in the common area in a pair of Dean’s pajamas. Sam had already been in bed, and Dean had looked up from the research he’d volunteered to do.

"I need a room to sleep in," Cas admitted at Dean’s off-focus look. Dean had stared at Cas’s bare chest, trying to ignore the possessiveness that flared up at seeing Cas in his sleepwear.

"You can sleep in mine," Dean said, forcing himself to look back down at the books.

"Where will you sleep?" Cas asked, confused.

"With you," Dean said without hesitation, still seemingly concentrating on his books. Cas stared at him.

”Problem?” Dean asked.

"No," Cas said quietly, still stunned.

"Then what are you waiting for?" Dean asked, trying to read a sentence about wendigos and failing miserably. The only thing he could think about was Cas in his bed. With him.

"For you," Cas said, and when Dean finally looked up, he grinned at the look of annoyance and impatience the fallen angel was wearing. He stood up and took the hand that Cas held out, squeezing tight.

"I’m going to pretend I didn’t see any of this," Sam said from the archway. They both jumped and turned to him, their expressions horrified.

"You’re supposed to be resting," Dean accused, but Sam only wrinkled his nose at the idea.

"I’m going to pretend I didn’t see any of this," he repeated. “But just so you know, I refuse to be the middle man when you have ridiculous romantic squabbles. And if you choose anyone else to perform the ceremony when the time comes, I’ll summon a demon to eat them."

Dean glared at him. “Bitch,” he said, but without any heat. Cas frowned at him, but Sam just smiled. “Jerk,” he said affectionately before turning around.

“Try not to be too loud in bed, I gotta get my beauty sleep you know!” he called out as he headed to the kitchen. Cas looked at Dean, confused, but Dean just rolled his eyes and tugged him towards his room.

"I’ll explain it all later," he said. He didn’t know why he was in such a rush until he changed into a pair of pajama bottoms and slid into bed next to Cas, who’d watched in fascination as he’d changed.

Dean shut off the lamp by his bed and turned to Cas, who was still looking at him- his chest, to be exact- with interest. “I’ve always liked your body, Dean,” he said quietly, and Dean choked on the air he’d just inhaled.

"We’re taking it slow," he forced himself to say, his eyes meeting Cas’s. “Remember? Slow."

"You’re the one who invited me to your bed," Cas said, eyebrows raised. Dean hesitated, then reached for him, moving in to his open arms. He burrowed his head into Cas’s neck, pressing into him.

"Don’t go," he whispered, and Cas’s arms tightened around him before he responded softly, “Never."

Each night had been like that. Innocent touches, quiet conversations, and Dean’s need to make sure that Cas was there, was not going anywhere. Usually he burrowed into him, intertwining their legs and wrapping his arms around Cas’s waist. Sometimes he held Cas instead, both because of his need to have him in his arms and because he knew that the fallen angel needed reassurance, too.

But tonight is different. They can both feel the tension in the air. Even Sam had said something at dinner, even going so far as to mime the cutting of the tension with his steak knife. Dean and Cas had paid as much attention to him as they’d paid to the movie later on.

"Cas," Dean murmurs now, and Cas lifts his head, his eye glazed as they meet Dean’s. Dean lifts his hand, sweeping his thumb across Cas’s lower lip. Cas’s tongue dips out and he touches the tip to Dean’s finger, experimenting. Dean moans, closing his eyes, and Cas continues, licking his way down to the groove between Dean’s thumb and index finger. He bites down at the soft skin there, and Dean bucks up into him.

"Fuck, Cas," he breathes out on a strangled moan. “For a fallen angel you definitely have some tricks up your sleeve."

"I want to kiss you," Cas says. Dean stills under him and opens his eyes. The look on Cas’s face is very serious, would be comical even, if the intensity shooting through Dean was in any way funny. He nods, and Cas reaches down, rearranging them so that his arm is at Dean’s back and his hand cups the back of his head. He tilts his head down and touches his lips to Dean’s.

Cas hadn’t known what to expect, given his brief experience with sexual needs. Dean had expected fireworks and desperate, urgent need. 

Neither had expected the sweetness as their lips move tentatively against each other’s. The tenderness as they reach up to cup each other’s face in their hands. The intimacy that comes with looking into each other’s eyes as they kiss, and the profound trust that hangs in the air around them as their eyes close. Even though they both should have, neither had expected the long, slow fall into each other’s hearts, or the simple, quiet step into the home their bond had created. 

Dean’s tongue sweeps out almost hesitantly, and Cas parts his lips instantly, as if it’s the only thing he’d ever waited for since the sun and the moon had been hung in the sky. They both explore, their tongues meeting, touching, encircling each other, giving way to hot, passionate thrusts as their desire peaks into need.

Finally Cas pulls away, gasping, dropping his head to Dean’s chest. Neither are ready to go further, to throw away their one-day-at-a-time rule, so after a moment Cas forces his body to relax against Dean’s. They resume their previous position- Dean’s hand in Cas’s hair, Cas’s finger running in a pattern against Dean’s skin- and settle into each other’s hearts for the night.


End file.
